In the spirit of Christmas, we here at Pundit Arena have managed to compile a team of the finest Christmas-related players, bringing together a team of immensely talented, supremely powerful and stunningly sentimental characters.
1) The Abominable Snowmonster of the North
A successful transfer from rugby league has seen the Snowmonster find his feet as the loosehead prop in our team. A ferocious beast of a player, he has had disciplinary issues in the past but seems to have found his way.
2) The Ghost Of Christmas Past
Getting a little long in the tooth now, many supporters will see his inclusion as a backwards step, but experience is important and you only get better by learning from your past mistakes.
3) John McClane
Even though McClane has been beset with injury problems, the man just will not quit. Keep an eye out for his wonderful ‘Yippee-Ki-Yay’ try celebration.
4) Jack Skellington
Despite struggling in terms of bulk, Skellington’s height gives him an extra dimension at the lineout. His creativity and ability to think outside of the box have made him a fans’ favourite.
5) Buddy The Elf
Buddy is an imposing physical specimen compared to his peers, but his boundless enthusiasm makes him a talisman for his teammates.
6) The Grinch
Not just great at stealing the ball, the Grinch’s tackling is like a brick wall. Even though the Grinch is quite small, the Grinch’s spirit is ten feet tall.
7) Ebenezer Scrooge
Described as a complete flanker by those who know him, Scrooge’ is a superbly defensive player and he is an incredibly hard-working and diligent individual.
A ruthless figure, Krampus likes to play on the edge and takes no nonsense from the opposition. You really don’t want to get on the wrong side of this fellow.
9) Kevin McAllister
The youngest member of our team, McAllister is an elusive individual and very difficult to catch. His bag of tricks will confuse any opposing player.
10) Clark Griswold
When all around you appear to losing their cool, Griswold is there to sort everything out. The man with the plan is just the person to pull the strings in our Christmas XV and is guaranteed to light up the pitch.
11) Santa Claus
He might not look particularly athletic, but don’t let that fool you. Santa can move at over 1,500 miles per second. He can also squeeze through even the smallest of spaces in opposition defences.
12) Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
A shining light in the midfield, Rudolph was a late developer in rugby, but is now one of the first names on the teamsheet.
13) The Snowman
Snowman just seems to glide through the air when he’s given the ball in space, but be warned: he does have a tendency to melt under the intense heat of test rugby.
14) Jack Frost
Just the kind of player you need on those cold winter mornings, Jack Frost sometimes seems ever present all over the field. His speciality is his tap tackle… Wait for it.
15) The Ghost Of Christmas Yet To Come
Although we’ve left mention of this fantastic player right until the end, this ghost has a real impact on anyone who comes across him. Although he is still one for the future, you should keep an eye on him to see how things pan out.
Coach: Clarence Odbody
If you really need someone to motivate you then Clarence Odbody is the best man for the job. He has an excellent track record of mentoring and coaching and is simply wonderful at putting things into perspective.
Bench: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Paul Wassell, Pundit Arena