For the day that’s in it we’ve racked our brains to bring you the definitive Pundit Arena Halloween XI.
Goalkeeper
Any Goalkeeper in a Halloween XI is going to have to be ready to pounce on anything and everything. We wanted someone who was ever vigilant. We considered bringing in Kasper ‘The Friendly Ghost’ Schmeichel but felt he lacked the fear-instilling presence of the man who took the number 1 jersey.
It could only be Petr Cech-Under-The-Bed. The imposing Czech has a tendency to pop up where you least expect it. With him in goal our back four can relax knowing they won’t be seeing any nightmare blunders.
_____
Defence
This defensive unit needs to be as solid as as the Forehead of Lurch from the Adams family. They’re going to be fending off the likes of Demba Boo. So with that in mind, here’s the back-four:
Phil Bones
The imposing undead Englishman will strike fear into wingers with his scary faces.
Per Merte-Slasher
The psychotic German may be slow on the turn, but give the man a scythe and there’s no getting past him!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Skrtel
Little known fact, Martin Skrtel loves pizza, as do the TMNT. Coincidence? Of course not. Skrtel IS a Ninja Turtle.
Satan Baines
The left-back is devilishly good going forward as well as in defence. Opposition full-backs have taken to calling the left flank the highway to hell given his devilish talent.
_____
Midfield
We’ve opted for three in the middle of the graveyard, sorry, park…middle of the park!
Phil D-eville with his horrifying blonde highlights Phil ‘The Devil’ Neville holds the keys to Hell’s fiery gates, also known as the midfield battle. There is simply no getting past the cloven-hoofed defensive midfielder.
Frankenstein Lampard With the original Frank Lampard’s best years behind him we had no choice but to create a horrible midfield monster ourselves. Frankenstein Lamps stands at a little over eight foot tall, giving him some serious presence on the pitch.
Charles N’Zombie-a Charles is a work horse we’ll give him that. Much like the Zombies in Day-Z he covers the ground quickly. What he lacks in footballing intelligence (what with him being undead and all) he makes up for in a psychotic determination to feast on the bodies of the opposition and rack up assists.
_____
Forwards
Ricky Van Werewolfs-winkel We won’t lie, Ricky made it in to the Halloween XI purely on his name. We expect the the Wolf-dutch hybrid to be as prolific as his purely human counterpart. That is unless it’s a full moon of course…
Goblin Van Persie The definition of a Goblin describes it as a legendary evil dwarf like creature. GVP is two of those things. Legendary for United fans, Evil for Arsenal fans. Goblin’s are known to possess magical abilities and anyone who saw GVPs diving header against Spain in the World Cup will be hard pushed to find a better way to describe it than magical.
Mark Vodoo-ka The Australian Witch Doctor is able to twist and turn defenders despite a lack of pace. Thanks to his zealous use of puppets to control the limbs of opposing back fours. Vodoo-ka picked up this skill thanks to a little known spell at a non-league club in Haiti.
_____
There they are, our Halloween XI. We’ve done you the favour of creating our formation to put your inquisitive tactical minds at ease for all the Louis Van Ghouls out there
The Pundit Arena Team
Read More About: Football, halloween, Soccer, Top Story
