Sometimes afternoons at work can be a struggle, so to help you shut the game down for the final half hour we have the perfect wind down…..a tabloid style countdown of football’s most notorious love rats.
Soccer players are known for their dissolute lifestyles and while they are often found wanting in the heat of battle their pursuit of sexual conquests is steadfast. Tiger Woods’ emergence as a serial cheater really raised the bar and the footballers won’t be happy to have been so completely upstaged by an athlete from a staid profession like golf.
While the exploits of the 14 time major winner take the hung for a sheep as a lamb aphorism to extreme the five footballers on our list aren’t too far behind. And while the average guy tends to remain loyal, whether this commitment stems from love and respect for his partner, a dearth of alternatives or a fear of reprisal from a scorned woman is a moot point.
Footballers on the other hand seem to operate on a different level and somehow manage to be forgiven for their misdeeds by the WAGs time and time again. This is in marked contrast to the outcome for the average Joe. If he strays, an appalling vista of bankruptcy and long term residence in a B&B await. Anyhow the footballers on our list are truly degenerate…one wonders what they’ll have left to do by the time they hit their mid life crisis, maybe they’ll buy a Ford Fiesta and start having sex with their wives.
5. John Terry
That the hard man Chelsea defender has a soft spot for the ladies is hardly news yet his tawdry antics with former team mate Wayne Bridge’s partner deserve special mention. Bridge played alongside Terry at Chelsea and they also lined out for the Three Lions together. And while the fullback may have appreciated Terry’s help filling gaps he left on the pitch, he certainly didn’t welcome the same assistance off it.
Bridge had a previous relationship with a French lingerie model (okay we have to drop the fake indignation here for a sec and admit a bit of jealousy here) prior to Terry getting involved with her. The centre half tried to kill the story with a super injunction (shagging and gagging as the tabloids so succinctly put it) but the sordid details eventually emerged.
Bridge was left seething over the betrayal and quit the England team as a result, publically refusing to shake his nemesis’ hand. We can’t imagine Terry’s long suffering missus was overly impressed either but like so many WAGs she went down the ‘Stand by your man’ route.
Thierry Henry is next on the list , although his antics are rather run of the mill compared with the other Jerry Springer cases here he makes our list because we still haven’t forgotten his on field cheating.
We don’t like him because of his insouciant talent, effortless charm, masses of cash and of course his NBA skills that robbed the Boys in Green of their rightful place in 2010 South Africa World Cup. He split from his wife, an English model Claire Merry with whom he met doing those ‘va va voom’ Renault commercials. Dodgy texts exchanged between himself and a make up artist were the cause of the breakup. While naturally we disapprove of infidelity, prior to the era of Snapchat it was kind of stupid not even taking even the most rudimentary action to cover his tracks.
The love rat was forced to fork out an £8 million settlement to his wife, good on you girl we say for prizing away a good chunk of his ill gotten lucre.
3. Wayne Rooney
The Manchester United stalwart makes our list thanks to his well publicised interest in Manchester’s vice girls. One would think that Rooney’s unlimited funds would secure premium quality and absolute discretion in the market for illicit sex however you would be wrong on both counts.
Our hero hit the tabloids due to allegations of sex with a 48-year-old granny prostitute clad in a rubber cat-suit (sorry to put that visual out there). His love of the more mature lady came to light as the Three Lions legend was waiting for his turn in a massage parlour and was recognised by other punters.
The then 18-year-old tried to play the ‘young and stupid’ card to get himself off the hook and in fairness it was an irrefutable point in his case. The next time he strayed offside he wasn’t so young. Vice girl Jenny Thomas, whose price tag came in at £1200 a pop so to speak, was the other woman this time.
The sordid encounters took place in a five star hotel and on one occasion an additional participant (female) was brought into the mix. The whole episode is thought to have been going on while the long suffering Collen was pregnant at the time, although the Manchester United ace’s subsequent pay rise to £300,000-a-week may have gone some way towards repairing the damage.
2. Ryan Giggs
The Welsh superstar projected an image as a clean cut family man and it was a brand the advertisers really went for, until they found out he loved his family so much he was getting it on with sister-in-law Natasha, wife of his brother Rodhri.
The sordid details came to light when Giggs was found to be looking for a further outlet for his affections in the admittedly alluring shape of Welsh beauty Imogen Thomas. When the details of this dalliance emerged on social media, astonishingly the other love rat in the story, Natasha, felt so betrayed that she spilled the beans on her involvement with Ryan!
The innocent victims in this tawdry plot were Giggs’ wife Stacey, whose capacity for forgiveness must be a close second to God Almighty himself, and his misfortunate brother Rodhri. The siblings apparently don’t speak anymore which is regrettable as they would now have more in common than ever.
1.The Fat Ronaldo
While many are secretly jealous of the off-the-field antics of footballers, that’s certainly not the case with this story which serves as a cautionary tale to all would be degenerates. If there is one thing the Brazilian ace prefers than the dessert trolley it’s getting a bit of extracurricular action.
However on this occasion his efforts to secure it backfired terribly. One evening in Rio de Janeiro the legend decided to engage the services of three ladies of the night and invite them back to his hotel room. Unfortunately as the activity progressed Ronaldo found to his horror that he had been deceived as to the gender of the service providers.
While Ronaldo enjoyed spectacular fortune as a striker bagging shed loads of goals, his luck in philandering was dismal, what are the chances of picking up three prostitutes and finding that none of their parts were complimentary?
Did Dan miss anyone? Let him know.
Dan O’Mahony, Pundit Arena.